life and blah

I stopped all my thoughts,
And shut them in a box,
To think them another day,

When joy comes abound,
And friends are around,
And words are easy to say…

But one thought escaped,
Took color and shape,
And found me alone one night,

I begged it be gone,
And left it forlorn,
And forced my eyes shut tight…

It stayed till I rose,
And always stayed close,
I humored it on for a while,

You see it sometimes,
In poem and rhyme,
Or the shadow that weighs down my smile

Learning to use rear-view

There's a cliche, a given person grows old enough to talk about the "good old days" and say it with conviction "i don't have regrets" and make a simple statement "i screwed up, my bad".

These lines seem like something that i would say when I'd be 40, but here i am, saying them. For whatever reason living on your own brings you more perspective and like sunsets make most people sentimental, i looked back on my life. And i saw something i have never seen before.. clarity. How often I've talked of life like a blur.. and yet when i was not paying attention, my life was adjusting my own peering lens into focus..

There has been purposelessness, spontaneity, pointless passions, randomness, misunderstanding, and we sure did wear our hearts on our sleeve, with an ease that now seems endearing. And in this bout of retrospect, i envisioned these barely differentiated brushstrokes in the designs of my past. I saw how common blood does not define who we are and what we become, i saw that our mistakes are only new walls broken down and new windows to your soul opened, i saw that the decisions i had made were in the true passion of the moment, they lacked foresight but they were full of my soul, and i saw that regrets are only opportunities making themselves visible for the life yet to be lived....

....and i saw that it is true, i have truly had some "good old days", i have "no real regrets" and that "i have screwed up", but a qaurter of a century's worth life has been good. :)