me against myself...

THE NIGHT, LIKE ME, WITH BATED BREATH,
DREW BLACK, OR DID I SHUT MY EYES,
AND WITH THAT THOUGHT DID I EXHALE,
THAT THOUGHT, THATS BORN WHEN CAUTION DIES.

WHY I INDULGE THAT THOUGHT TONIGHT,
A QUERY I'D ANSWERED YESTER YEAR,
LEST I RECALL IT I OPEN MY EYES,
LEST I CAN TOUCH, LEST I DON'T FEAR.

THEN COME THOSE WORDS I CAN'T FORGET,
THOSE EYES THAT SPOKE, THOSE SONGS THAT MEANT,
THOSE HANDS THAT ALMOST NEVER TOUCHED,
THOUGH HEARTS HAD BLED, AND LETTERS SENT.

THOSE PLANS WE MADE AND MASTERED THEN,
THE ROADS WE CROSSED, THE SUN WE BURNED,
WHEN MOONSHINE PROMISED TOMORROWS TO COME,

THOSE FOREVER DAYS, THOSE FATES THEY TURNED.

YET ISN'T IT TRUE AFTER ALL,
THE PROMISES THE WORDS, THE FOREVERS WE SWORE?
THE HEARTS THE SUNS THE MOONS THE SONGS,
AREN'T THEY JUST AS THEY WERE BEFORE?

WE'VE LIVED A LIFE AND LEARNED THE ART,
OF DENYING OUR HEARTS IN MOCK AND JEST,
BUT NIGHTS LIKE THESE, THEY UNDO IT ALL,
ITS IN NIGHTS LIKE THESE, I CANNOT REST.....

forgotten dream...

the other day, while fencing my heart,
i chanced upon an impossible dream,
it rose, in beauty, on feet of hope
and embraced a teardrop out of me...

with hurried steps i rushed away,
to find my mask, my book of sense.
to invalidate my yesterday.
then turned to build my trusted fence.

there it lies unto this day,
un-nurtured, neglected, growing still,
i hoped it gone, wished it away,
but there it stays against my will.

i leave it at the gallows, pronounce it dead,
but come event of tender mind,
i look back and find it there.
only a few steps behind...

beguilingly tangible... agonizingly beautiful...
mercilessly invisible to all but me.

half past today

17th Aug, 2007 @ 07:20

there's not much to do when the night is falling, all my "work" is done, dinner has been eaten, bed clothes changed into, prayers have been said... then comes the scary part...thinking...about what happened today, what it meant, what it changed, where it matters.... wrongs and rights... sleeping on it is even more strange... i get up in someone else's shoes, looking at myself like i exist in someone else's body.... i am a first second and third person veiw in one mind... :) when i'm 80 i might know if its good or bad....

18th Aug, 2007 @ 07:15

something people asking me often lately...it starts like "how are u?" proceeding to "how's work going?" then the apparently benign "what're you planning to do next?" what next? what kind of question is that anyway? It should be constitutionally illegal to ask this to anyone… how is one supposed to answer something like that? don't we know that we don’t know what we know tomorrow? did u have to read the previous sentence twice?repeat in head...I do that all the time... the "what next" question just doesn’t seem relevant... it doesn’t seem to register with its meaning in my mind.... i repeat it to myself again...I don’t have an answer... it feels so wrong... to people I talk to even... I don’t have an answer to give them...I go "hmm... huh... u no...There is always... mmm.. glug!" then I cough... :) and I compliment them on something they have on... :) (Gloating on excellence in distracting people)okay. coming back, I think I need to have a desire, an aim... I mean, I have some, but its completely estranged from passion... I have a lead though..

it cant be forced
it cant be borrowed
it cant be looked for…

it comes…

ambition and aim will recognize me one day…. They will…


later


19th Aug, 2007 @ 23:16

independance???

we say its independance day and sing patriotic songs for a day, everyone has something good to say about the country, and we have a holiday, special shows on tv, special supplements in the newspaper, all talkin of our country as an emerging goddess....then its another day, nobody is patriotic anymore, newspapers carry the same old stories of oppression, murder, injustice, stealth and extortion (among page three and sport where lifes a ball game)and i wonder, where is the independance they spoke of so passionately the day before?

we have become a sovereign... swaraj...so we have become slightly financially indigenous, but all the rest, we have taken the power of suppression and discrimination from another nation and put it into our own hands... so this is it.... indians being unjust with indians, indians discriminating among their own people, indians killing indians in the name of things that dont make sense...yes, we are independant of another nation's rule... we can be brutal with our own kind now..... who'l deliver us from ourselves? :(


22nd Aug, 2007 @ 02:51

i see myself inside your eyes,
a word i couldn't start to share,
when a tear falls, i realise,
a hug would be too hard to bear

a hundred thoughts, a second's worth,
"someday" is "hope" in other word,
breaths apart or a thousand miles,
along the flight of a thousand birds....

.....together again, then drawn apart
a thread, a dream, a lonely sigh
i hold your hand, it breaks me now,
to sing this heart a lullaby....

in memory....

there's place for one truth in my heart...
either that he was here, or that he's gone...