..And i love beaches :)
Thursday, October 27, 2011
A habit i wish i didn't have..
I have so many habits i wish i didn't have, it has been quite a task, picking and choosing, while writing this post. But one particular habit that has been annoying me with how pervasive it is in all my thoughts and emotions, is how i stop myself (and now the habit expresses itself as naturally as method) from indulging myself, making myself happy, in ways that are silly or not.
A friend has recently observed that i am quite complacent, and easy to placate, because i don't REALLY want anything, so can do with most things. I suppose that makes me a very accommodating and easy going girl, but i did not like the sound of that. And A lot of profound introspection revealed that I live in a guilt ridden world where pleasures are met with guilt. In my head, everything pleasure inducing is filtered out before it maybe translated to action. I have not yet figured out why (i guess my introspection was not so deep after-all), but i suppose it stems from my natural tendency to keep to myself. I am not expressive and outgoing about my preferences, like i am not forthcoming about myself to most people. I hate to think that my preference might come in the way of what another is thinking or devising. I have been pushing all my desires to the backseat, so far back that now when i turned to find them, i could not locate any that could validate the me that is today.
So here's to dropping a bad habit, getting to know myself, and living accordingly. :) :) and this time, i know i've got it right! :)
A friend has recently observed that i am quite complacent, and easy to placate, because i don't REALLY want anything, so can do with most things. I suppose that makes me a very accommodating and easy going girl, but i did not like the sound of that. And A lot of profound introspection revealed that I live in a guilt ridden world where pleasures are met with guilt. In my head, everything pleasure inducing is filtered out before it maybe translated to action. I have not yet figured out why (i guess my introspection was not so deep after-all), but i suppose it stems from my natural tendency to keep to myself. I am not expressive and outgoing about my preferences, like i am not forthcoming about myself to most people. I hate to think that my preference might come in the way of what another is thinking or devising. I have been pushing all my desires to the backseat, so far back that now when i turned to find them, i could not locate any that could validate the me that is today.
So here's to dropping a bad habit, getting to know myself, and living accordingly. :) :) and this time, i know i've got it right! :)
A picture of me and some friends :)
This is only prt of the exercize; i really do not have a picture with all my friends, but heres two of my forever-girls :)
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
The meaning behind my blog name
When i began writing this blog, it was only for a couple of friends who insisted that i keep writing. We were all in transition: career, further studies, trans-continental shift, marriage! Life had set in, like everyone had said it would, and we weren't going to be around each other anymore. Suddenly everything we had to say to each other, and everyday we spent with each other had become very significant.
And on a parting note, several of my girls told me "keep writing, and keep sharing your writing with us". I had not written for months then, and i hadn't thought i could write again. But they were very effective :) And I created this blog.
I named it "around the world in 300 days" after a very life-altering year, that had morphed me into a new individual who had to determine her identity all over again. But the blog was originally named "inside a yellow rosebud", in cheesy and childish memory of a once-special time that i shared with my best friends forever, there was a once-special boy, and because of him, a yellow rosebud that figured somewhere in the story. :)
I've lived more years since than i've actually grown, but times like those remain a large part of what defines me and my choices. :) So there, that was my blog name, drawn from the purest portion of my life of joy and sharing and believing in forever.
And on a parting note, several of my girls told me "keep writing, and keep sharing your writing with us". I had not written for months then, and i hadn't thought i could write again. But they were very effective :) And I created this blog.
I named it "around the world in 300 days" after a very life-altering year, that had morphed me into a new individual who had to determine her identity all over again. But the blog was originally named "inside a yellow rosebud", in cheesy and childish memory of a once-special time that i shared with my best friends forever, there was a once-special boy, and because of him, a yellow rosebud that figured somewhere in the story. :)
I've lived more years since than i've actually grown, but times like those remain a large part of what defines me and my choices. :) So there, that was my blog name, drawn from the purest portion of my life of joy and sharing and believing in forever.
Monday, October 10, 2011
Much delayed (nods disapprovingly) :(
Why I close this blog window everytime i open it to write eludes me. And in the spirit of the flavor of the season, to js do it, here I am, writing again in the face of the ridiculous inhibition that i have nurtured to write again.
And to keep promises, here is my first exercize in introspect and de-shelling; 15 not known facts about me:
1) i am a control freak; anything going out of control alerts, an SOS within me, and i struggle obsessively to normalize it to what i can only call "the last settings that functioned"
2) I am stubornly resistant to good advise, even when i ask for it, till the time i learn my own lessons.
3) I thrive on change. (so far) when i get too comfortable, i get uneasy, and I want to grow out of it; i call it evolution, and hope that it doesnt call for a survival of the fittest. :)
4) I need hugs like nourishment.
5) I am very receptive to horror movies; even the worse of these movies cleverly nests in my mind with its images and sounds and keeps coming back.. brrr.. :(
6) I NEED something to read in the bathroom; and don't ask me why, i wouldn't know :)
7) I believed, when i was a kid, that there is a monster under my bed, i could never stand next to my bed in the dark because i was SO sure a monster would pull me under with its sinewy arms, well, I still have that fear.
8) I have some kind of deep seated fundamental repulsion for "boy-smells". Very very often i hold my breath in elevators when there is at least one boy in there.
9) I am horrified of elevators, its a fear i have not been able to overcome, i have only leanred to assume the required decorum so i dont appear like a 28-year old retard everytime i get into an elevator.
10) I may have OCD; to me, nothing is ever clean enough.
11) I stay silent in disagreement more often than not, and usually seem to not be affected by how my opinion comes across, i treat my opinions as my own to have, use, and change :) offshoots from the stubborn-ness, but in a good way i guess.
12) Unless if someone is really interesting me, i drift off into my own thoughts while maintaining an impeccable expression of attention and interest, complete with the right noises.
13) I HATE being the centre of attention anywhere at any time no matter how flattering it may seem. I am not asocial, i just lack knowledge of the socially relevant methods that are used to handle attention.
14) I lack any kind of useful wisdom. :( Sad but true. Everything i know is from my own experiences, which have been anything but conventional.
15) I hurt easily, anyone being disappointed in me, angry with me, deceitful, unfair, loud and injurious, caustic, even in the smallest degree, can hurt me very much and very invisibly.
:) And this is the me that some souls on earth know, but some may not. It was hard enough for me to list things about my own self, goes to prove what i always knew, my life always pointed outwards, but 2011 and 2012 are going to be inside me :) cheers to that! more soon (and i mean very soon).
-Simin
Why I close this blog window everytime i open it to write eludes me. And in the spirit of the flavor of the season, to js do it, here I am, writing again in the face of the ridiculous inhibition that i have nurtured to write again.
And to keep promises, here is my first exercize in introspect and de-shelling; 15 not known facts about me:
1) i am a control freak; anything going out of control alerts, an SOS within me, and i struggle obsessively to normalize it to what i can only call "the last settings that functioned"
2) I am stubornly resistant to good advise, even when i ask for it, till the time i learn my own lessons.
3) I thrive on change. (so far) when i get too comfortable, i get uneasy, and I want to grow out of it; i call it evolution, and hope that it doesnt call for a survival of the fittest. :)
4) I need hugs like nourishment.
5) I am very receptive to horror movies; even the worse of these movies cleverly nests in my mind with its images and sounds and keeps coming back.. brrr.. :(
6) I NEED something to read in the bathroom; and don't ask me why, i wouldn't know :)
7) I believed, when i was a kid, that there is a monster under my bed, i could never stand next to my bed in the dark because i was SO sure a monster would pull me under with its sinewy arms, well, I still have that fear.
8) I have some kind of deep seated fundamental repulsion for "boy-smells". Very very often i hold my breath in elevators when there is at least one boy in there.
9) I am horrified of elevators, its a fear i have not been able to overcome, i have only leanred to assume the required decorum so i dont appear like a 28-year old retard everytime i get into an elevator.
10) I may have OCD; to me, nothing is ever clean enough.
11) I stay silent in disagreement more often than not, and usually seem to not be affected by how my opinion comes across, i treat my opinions as my own to have, use, and change :) offshoots from the stubborn-ness, but in a good way i guess.
12) Unless if someone is really interesting me, i drift off into my own thoughts while maintaining an impeccable expression of attention and interest, complete with the right noises.
13) I HATE being the centre of attention anywhere at any time no matter how flattering it may seem. I am not asocial, i just lack knowledge of the socially relevant methods that are used to handle attention.
14) I lack any kind of useful wisdom. :( Sad but true. Everything i know is from my own experiences, which have been anything but conventional.
15) I hurt easily, anyone being disappointed in me, angry with me, deceitful, unfair, loud and injurious, caustic, even in the smallest degree, can hurt me very much and very invisibly.
:) And this is the me that some souls on earth know, but some may not. It was hard enough for me to list things about my own self, goes to prove what i always knew, my life always pointed outwards, but 2011 and 2012 are going to be inside me :) cheers to that! more soon (and i mean very soon).
-Simin
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