Much delayed (nods disapprovingly) :(

Why I close this blog window everytime i open it to write eludes me. And in the spirit of the flavor of the season, to js do it, here I am, writing again in the face of the ridiculous inhibition that i have nurtured to write again.

And to keep promises, here is my first exercize in introspect and de-shelling; 15 not known facts about me:
1) i am a control freak; anything going out of control alerts, an SOS within me, and i struggle obsessively to normalize it to what i can only call "the last settings that functioned"
2) I am stubornly resistant to good advise, even when i ask for it, till the time i learn my own lessons.
3) I thrive on change. (so far) when i get too comfortable, i get uneasy, and I want to grow out of it; i call it evolution, and hope that it doesnt call for a survival of the fittest. :)
4) I need hugs like nourishment.
5) I am very receptive to horror movies; even the worse of these movies cleverly nests in my mind with its images and sounds and keeps coming back.. brrr.. :(
6) I NEED something to read in the bathroom; and don't ask me why, i wouldn't know :)
7) I believed, when i was a kid, that there is a monster under my bed, i could never stand next to my bed in the dark because i was SO sure a monster would pull me under with its sinewy arms, well, I still have that fear.
8) I have some kind of deep seated fundamental repulsion for "boy-smells". Very very often i hold my breath in elevators when there is at least one boy in there.
9) I am horrified of elevators, its a fear i have not been able to overcome, i have only leanred to assume the required decorum so i dont appear like a 28-year old retard everytime i get into an elevator.
10) I may have OCD; to me, nothing is ever clean enough.
11) I stay silent in disagreement more often than not, and usually seem to not be affected by how my opinion comes across, i treat my opinions as my own to have, use, and change :) offshoots from the stubborn-ness, but in a good way i guess.
12) Unless if someone is really interesting me, i drift off into my own thoughts while maintaining an impeccable expression of attention and interest, complete with the right noises.
13) I HATE being the centre of attention anywhere at any time no matter how flattering it may seem. I am not asocial, i just lack knowledge of the socially relevant methods that are used to handle attention.
14) I lack any kind of useful wisdom. :( Sad but true. Everything i know is from my own experiences, which have been anything but conventional.
15) I hurt easily, anyone being disappointed in me, angry with me, deceitful, unfair, loud and injurious, caustic, even in the smallest degree, can hurt me very much and very invisibly.

:) And this is the me that some souls on earth know, but some may not. It was hard enough for me to list things about my own self, goes to prove what i always knew, my life always pointed outwards, but 2011 and 2012 are going to be inside me :) cheers to that! more soon (and i mean very soon).

-Simin